Are we really over ?
by LitGG1982
Summary: Jess and Rory are happy, but why is she throwing everything away? Lit, what else? ... Are they really over ? review pleaseCOMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**It just gets better and better**

**Disclaimer**: bla bla, I don´t own them because seriously, jess would have stayed so put! I´m not

making money because a.) I´m not allowed to and b.) I wouldn´t make much!

**A/N**: English is not my first language, it´s not even my second language, I just learned it in school and from tons of dvds and books. Now on with the story that of course is going to be a LIT, ( because anything else is simply illegal)

**Rating**: T/M I have no idea about the rating system in the US, just tell me if it´s not right.

We were happy, we were really happy. Pay special attention to the tense, it´s past tense. Lately I feel like I don´t even know her anymore, she doesn´t let me in. She comes home from work and I even stopped bothering asking about her day because the only answer I´d get would be a shrug that means: don´t ask, I don´t wanna talk to you! What did I do wrong? Where did we go wrong ?

We met when we were teenagers, she naïve, me too cool for school, but maybe that was just the right recipe for a great friendship because that´s as what we started. Friends, I wouldn´t say best friends, but really good friends. I was different from her other friends, because I didn´t expect much of her, she didn´t have to pretend for me … I loved her just the way she was. And the thing that hurts the most is that I still love her. She´s the reason I went to school, she´s the reason I graduated college, she´s the reason I have woken up every damn morning, it may sound corny, but that´s just it, I´m just in this specific mood where nothing is right and where I don´t have a reason to wake up in the morning anymore, because I don´t have her anymore…she told me yesterday :

" jess, this doesn´t work!" I was surprised she started a conversation, but I was totally stunned by what she had to say to me.

" I´m gonna move out. I´m moving in with Paris, I need space and time from…"

"from me?"

She shook her head, I realized too late that she meant to nod.

"yeah"

My head was spinning, I couldn´t think straight, I couldn´t breath, I started sweating… this would be a nice situation to suffer from a heart attack, but I knew it wasn´t something physical, it was simply the great emotional pain that shot through me.

"why?" my voice was just slightly audible …. I was afraid of the answer, what if she didn´t love me anymore? I didn´t want her to answer the question, I wanted to cry and maybe, in the back of my head I wanted to die.

" it feels wrong"

"Rory, how the fuck can it feel wrong after 7 years …? Did u just wake up one day and thought, well no, this isn´t right? Rory, I deserve an explanation. I fucking do!" I saw the tears forming in her eyes and I knew I should have stopped right there, but I was sad, I was upset and as I said earlier I couldn´t think straight!

"Why rory ?´all of a sudden I´m not good enough for u ? what is it rory, and don´t give me this " it´s not u, it´s me" shit. I´m not falling for this!"

Her piercing blue eyes looked straight into mine, which I bet were nearly black. Rory always used to make fun of my eyes when I was angry. She would always say, it would make me look passionate and that she had real trouble to keep her hands off me in these specific situations. Once, she couldn´t restrain herself and she went down on me in public… well not like on the time square but at a Mc Donald´s restroom…I got the weird feeling that´s not what she was thinking right then when she told me that she wanted to go on a break….rory always made me watch friends, so tell me, Ross and Rachel really didn´t actually hit it off afterwards, now did they?

I left her standing in the apartment and went out, I needed to clear my head, I needed to think , I needed to forget, short: I needed to get wasted. I got wasted that night, in fact that wasted that I have no idea how I got home, or how I made it safely in my bed . I feel the soft fabrique of the sheets under my bare back, rory loved these sheets. Despite the urge to go back to sleep I got up and changed the sheets into those ones I used to have when I had my first bachelor pad. it´s not like rory and I were married, because we both think that it´s not necessary to get married just because u get to pay less taxes. We loved each other that was enough for us. We had us.

**Flashback**:

It was a couple of months since we started going out, both 18 years old and in love ( I was always proud of our love because it didn´t seem to fade over all these years but it seemed to grow stronger every moment we spent together)

"jess?"

"hmm…" I was lying on my back on my bed and was too exhausted from hours of working my ass off at Wal-Mart.

" do u believe in soul mates?"

"huh?"

"I asked if u believed in soul mates?"

"hmm, I´ve never really thought about that. Well, I think u realize in the first five minute of´ being with someone if u hit it off or not, but I think for feeling like being soul mates u have to put a lot energy into any kind of relationship…" rory fell silent and buried her head in my chest. I knew she had to think about my words.

"but" I continued " I think in the near future I will have to start referring to u as my soul mate because I feel like. What I mean is…. Well, u know what I mean right ?"

"No, tell me!" she demanded, voice clear and full of energy.

"well I mean I feel like we fit, I mean like really really fit. it´s like sometimes u look right through me, as if u got x- rays eyes that scan my soul, that´s never happened before in my life but on the other hand u know exactly when to leave me alone.

" so u think we´re soul mates? I mean like meant for each other?"

" I like to think so!" She snuggled into my body and released a content sigh

" and I was so afraid that it was only me, jess."

"no, it´s not only u, it´s not only u" I murmured while drifting off to sleep.

**Flashback end**

So here I was lying in my king sized bed, thinking about all those memories that made my life all worth living and while tears were running down my cheeks I couldn´t stop wondering if my life still was worth living without her. I got up and took a long hot shower hoping that it would clear my head, what unfortunately didn´t work…. At all.

All I could think about was rory… why? She didn´t even give me a damn reason except that " this is wrong " line. Has she met another guy ? Has she fallen in love with some other guy and at the same time fallen out of love with me?

The funny thing is that I had to call lorelai, well, we didn´t exactly hit it off at the beginning, but she grew on me and more important I grew on her. It´s weird, but sometimes I feel what it is like to have a loving mother… out of all people, lorelai Gilmore, the one woman I yelled at the first time I met her, the one who I told off, to leave me alone…. I needed to talk to her, which was a bit strange because she was also my girlfriend´s oh, I mean apparently ex-girlfriends mother. Then it hit me really hard… ex-girlfriend, we had broken up, not in a mutual way might I add. Breathing suddenly became a really important issue, rory broke up with me ? Fuck, I can´t believe it. A couple of weeks ago everything seemed to be alright, I mean really amazing between the two of us and now all of this should have been an imagination, a trick that my mind played on me? Dear boy, my life sucks…just when I was about to dial the oh so familiar number I chickened out. No I didn´t exactly chicken out I just made up my mind… I couldn´t do that… jess mariano, tough guy, wouldn´t go running to his ex girlfriend ´s mother to have a heart to heart, no way in hell… as if the fucking phone was reading my mind it started ringing. It sounded as if it was yelling at me to get a grip.

"´lo"

"jess, you gotta stop her", lorelai´s voice sounded sad and worn out. The woman who I knew as the strongest woman on earth was crying and begging me to stop her… to stop who from doing what ? I didn´t know…

"jess, she´s leaving, my baby´s gonna move to London, I don´t know what to do" her voice was nearly a whisper now and I had to concentrate really hard to hear her choke out these words.

" lorelai?" I asked as if I wasn´t sure it was her.

" she came by today all sad and tired and told me about your breakup and…."

I was surprised that rory hadn´t told her before ..

"did she?" I had to work up all my strength to go on. I took a deep breath…

"did she tell you why ?"

I heard lorelai surpress a sob on the other end of the line

"no, she just told me you guys broke up, she wouldn´t tell me why. what happened?"

I tried to answer truthfully but I couldn´t since I didn´t know either.

"I don´t know. She started acting weird after some party she had to go to and then yesterday she came home and broke it off!"

It hurt to say that out loud.

"did u have a fight, something .. Tell me, jess, why is my baby moving to England?" she sounded desperate.

**Flashback:**

She was standing in front of the mirror fixing her hair while I was at my desk writing an article that was due the next day.

I heard her swear under her breath.

"dammit, jess, I don´t wanna go, please come with me, we could mock my coworkers getting drunk"

I sighed

"ror, I can´t . you know that this article is due tomorrow, it won´t be written all by itself while I´m out partying!" I was tired of having the same conversation all over again this evening.

"I know, I know, I just thought maybe you would like to spend an evening with your girlfriend, I´ll make it up to you" she shot me a glance as if to check I got the suggestion.

"come on, baby, we´re gonna spend the whole next week in bed or do whatever it is u wanna do, just not tonight, but just so you know, u can wake me up when u get home" I smirked at her.

"you wish!" she giggled as she came over to where I was sitting. She sat down in my lap and started to kiss my neck. I willingly responded by taking her head in my hands and as I started to kiss her back she sighed into my mouth. She could feel my arousal, I mean, hell she was practically sitting on it. The kiss started to get more passionate and rougher. She pulled away from my lips and I protested slightly but I knew we didn´t have time for this. She rested her forehead against mine and chuckled silently. I tried to look her in the eye, surprised.

" I love you jess, u make me happy, u make me whole, thank you for being you!"

I smiled at her and kissed her one last time

" you´re the reason I wake up every morning, rory, thank you for sticking with me and my inner bad boy!" my voice sounded strange even to me. It was sincere, without the hint of sarcasm and honest. She made me this person. We smiled at each other. She got up, humming and finally got ready.

"Hey rory ? I love you too." she looked at me through the mirror and smiled.

When she left that evening with the promise to wake me up when she was home, I had a weird feeling in my gut. I had no idea why or what it was, I just wanted it to go away.

My life started to fall apart that very moment and I didn´t even know it. The thing I know is that she didn´t get home until late that night and didn´t wake me up.

**Flashback end**

It struck me hard.

"London?" I choked out .

"as in Europe, England, the united kingdom?"

"yeah"

"hey lorelai, I gotto go, sorry, later!" I didn´t even wait for a response I just pressed the button on the phone to end this conversation, hoping to wake up from this nightmare.

I took the keys from the table and went out of our apartment,.

First chapter of my first story up, finally. I gotta admit, I´m a bit scared, but well. Please remember that English is not my first language, point out the mistakes. Anf if anyone liked to be my beta, I would gladly accept! Review!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Still don´t own them …sadly ...

Our apartment, what a joke.

I made my way to the New York Times headquarters in a daze. While I was waiting for someone to greet me, Caitlin, one of Rory's co-workers saw me and came over. Actually I saw her first, and it seemed like she was gonna avoid me, but she realized I already had seen her.

"hey jess, Rory's not here!"

"yeah, I figured, I just wanted to talk to her boss or anybody who could tell me more about ….!" I was cut off ."look, Jess, Rory is sorry about what happened, she didn't mean to hurt you, really, it was just … she had too much to drink and Steven started hitting on her, I mean, she tried to stay out of it, but she is human after all, wow, I would not have thought she had told you yet." she looked at me knowingly.

"what do u mean? she…I was wondering if anyone knew about her assignment in London" I trailed off, not being able to continue. I felt like I had to throw up. She couldn't mean, I mean, that's just fucking impossible. I shook my head not wanting to speak to her anymore. I knew she hated Rory with a passion and all, but what did she mean by " Rory is only human"

" oh my, did I say something wrong?" she clasped her hand over her mouth….

"you didn't know that Steven and her slept together? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you!" in this moment I wanted to punch her, really hard. My legs started to give out under the weight that has been laying on my shoulders for the last couple of weeks. My vision started to blur, I thought I was fainting. Rory cheated on me ? My Rory cheated on me? And she couldn't tell me ?

Was that the reason she was leaving?

I left the building without any other word spoken. I heard enough, but still, I couldn't believe it. Rory wouldn't cheat, now would she ?

I got into the next elevator not caring if he went up or down. Suddenly I felt very exhausted. Should I believe that woman ? I mean after all she hated Rory's guts. Ever since Rory got promoted, she was after her. I made up my mind. I had to talk to Rory.

Easier said than done….

Here I was sitting in "our" apartment, the cordless phone in my lap. I looked down at my hands and realized they were shaking. I dialled the number. I gasped when I heard someone answer on the other end.

"this is Paris", the person said.

"hey Paris" my voice was strong and indifferent.

"I was wondering if I could talk to Rory, she's staying with you, right ?"

"hold on a second, jess" she said my name really loudly, of course she wanted to make sure, Rory had heard her. I listened to them talking in low voices. I couldn't make out a word though.

"hey jess" I was shocked to no end when Rory suddenly was on the phone. Voice all clear and confident. I sensed the anger rising inside of me, how could she be the one giving me the cold shoulder ? Why was it me suffering and apparently not her ?

"jess ?" I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard her impatient voice.

"huh, I was wondering if I could ask you a question …" I could hear her sigh.

"o ok", she was trying to hide it, but I caught her voice trembling slightly.

" you know", I was starting to get angry again.

" there is a funny story, you wanna hear it ? Well, here we go.. Once upon a time there were a boy and a girl, they were happy, they were in love. I mean all that fairytale crap… you know what I mean, right ? After all you made me read the Brothers Grimm. Well, but this story is slightly different. It doesn't end with a " and they lived happily ever after" but it ends with a " and one fine day, she sleeps with another guy, and"

I couldn't finish my rant, because I heard her sobbing over the phone. I couldn't care less in that very moment. I was hurt damnit.

" does that sound familiar to you at all ? I mean with you being really into all kind of Literature. I can't remember the title, oh no, now I do… it's called…"

Suddenly I felt bad. What if Caitlin had lied to me? I kinda hoped she had.

But when I heard the next sentence, all my hope was gone.

"I'm so so sorry, Jess. I didn´t mean to ."

I felt as if my world was coming to an end. Wow, she did it. God, how much do I hate surprises!

"did it mean anything to you ?" I didn´t even know what hit me, when I heard her answer.

" yes!"

sorry, it´s short. i had some trouble posting my story because ff . net doesn´t seem to like me :-) anyway, i hope you liked this chapter, i know where i´m going with this story, so don´t worry... you know what you have to do ... you know you want to :-)


	3. Chapter 3

Nope, still don't own them. wish i would though

it may not seem like it but i am a true lit at heart. i just think sometimes things need to be a little bit more complicated. that´s life !

let´s get the time straight: Jess has never been to college, but got his GED. he now works for a small newspaper in new york. rory on the other hand graduated from Yale and works for the New York times. Jess never left but they broke up after kyle´s party because rory thought he was pushing her. they got back together two months later when Jess opened up to Rory. they moved in together when they were 24. they now are 25 and well, yeah seperated as you know.

here´s the new chapter, thanks to those who reviewed. you rock!

As I tried to control my breathing I said

" well, I'm glad we had this talk!" with that I hung up the phone .

Wow. Not only did Rory cheat on me, but it meant something to her? She slept with a guy that wasn't me, might I add, and it meant something to her? What the hell…!

That's when I started to think I totally lost it. I sat on the couch and suddenly I started to laugh, no not really to laugh, but to giggle. I sat there giggling like a premature girl who just got asked out for the first time. I couldn't stop. And if someone was looking through the window at this exact time ( although we , I mean I live on the third floor,) he would see a guy having the time of his life. But if that certain someone took a closer look, he would see the tears beginning to fall. no I was definitely not having the time of my life, well I was having the worst time of my life. Through my giggles another tear rolled down my cheek, then another. I couldn't exactly tell if it was because of me laughing so hard or because of my shattered heart. I guess it's the latter. At this very moment I made a promise to myself. I wouldn't throw my life away, I would move on, I would fall in love with a woman who deserved my love,. No, I would go back to my old self. Look where emotions had gotten me ? I had been happy before she stepped into my life and I would be happy again after. Somehow the word after left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth…

I allowed myself exactly two weeks to pine over her, not a day more. I didn't know then that she would be hunting me. Everyday I would see something that reminded me of her, every night I would long for her touch, the way she made me feel when her small, delicate hands travelled over my body marking every inch of it as her own. i longed for the feelings she caused when she touched all those spots she knew would drive me crazy. I pictured her face when she would hear me moan in pleasure, wide and full of passion, but shy at the same time, slightly astounded by the fact she did this to me. After all these years we shared,i was still surprised at how beautiful she was. I missed her body close to mine, interwinded legs when we would lie on the bed, reading. I squeezed my eyes shut as if to erase all those memories.No, I wouldn't show the rest of the world how much I was hurting.

I buried myself in work, I took articles home with me, I didn't sleep, I didn't eat properly .

I spoke to Luke every couple of days, I could sense he was worried about me, but I told him not to. I told him that I was moving on. Who was I kidding ? Luke made me promise to come visit him in stars hollow, but I wasn't ready for that. I made up some obscure lie about why I couldn't go back there at the moment. Sometimes it was my job, then other times I told him about a date I was having. Of course I lied. I wasn't ready to date yet, not when I could still feel her touch at night. Not when I could still smell her. My senses were sharp when it came to her. I felt as if I had been seeing her just yesterday.

**Flashback**

I got home and listened to my messages:

" hey Jess, it's Tom. You wanna go out tonight, grab a beer or something, call me!"

I deleted the message. I didn't wanna go out, I didn't lie to Luke when I told him I had a lot of work to do.

The next message made my knees go weak.

"jess, it's me. Rory" ha, as is I wouldn't recognize her voice

" I was wondering if I could get my stuff tomorrow. Well, I mean I guess you know about me moving to London already, and I kinda need it. I can totally understand if you don't wanna be there when I get there, just leave me a message on my cell phone… hmm, well, yeah thanks."

I didn't need her pity. I didn't give a fuck if she was coming over or not. Or that's what I tried to tell myself…

I called her cell and left a message: " come over whenever you like, you got a key!"

With that being said I erased the message as well and called tom.

" hey, well, a beer would be great!" or a couple of beers I added in my mind.

**Flashback end**

I got home late that night in an empty apartment. I looked around, everything seemed to be the same although everything felt different. There weren't clothes lying around, the coffeemaker in the kitchen didn't make a sound which was weird because it would always be working when she was still around.

I went to the bathroom, took a deep breath and entered it. Her cosmetic products were still there, on the top shelf of our bathroom cabinet. I took a closer look. Her contacts were put in a glass of water that meant she was wearing her glasses right now. I had to smile as my memories floated by.

**Flashback**

I was lying on the couch reading " a long way down" by Nick Hornby when I heard the door open.

I listened to her breathing hard, after all we were living on the third floor and Rory wasn't exactly the "marathon woman" .she came over to me to the couch , kissed me on my forehead and sat down next to me. I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, suddenly feeling the need to touch her.

" bad day?" I asked. She sighed deeply and looked up at me. I leaned forward and pecked her on the lips as if I wanted to encourage her to tell me what was going on. She tilted her head to one side and made a face.

"remember when I couldn't read the shopping list and I bought red vines instead of red wine?"

I laughed a little.

" it's not that you wouldn't have bought red vines anyway!"

"yes, but I forgot the wine and when we wanted to drink some we didn't have any, and I wanted it to be the perfect evening and I messed it up, because I couldn't read the damn list and do you remember how angry I was at myself and…" I looked at her curiously, why the hell was she getting all worked up about the fact that she didn't buy the stupid wine. I loved it when she was ranting, her cute little cheeks all flushed and her hands up in the air to underline her words.

" so when today I actually confused "licked" and "kicked" , and let me tell you the expression ass kicking just got interesting, when I was reading this article I've had enough. I made an appointment with the ophthalmologist and begged his secretary to squeeze me in." she buried her head in her hands and I could see the ring I gave her to our five years anniversary reflecting the light. I was so distracted from the light on our ceiling that I wasn't paying attention to her ranting anymore.

" so what do you think?" she stared at me with expecting eyes. I shifted in my seat not knowing how to respond since I didn't know anymore what she was talking about. Man, women hate it when guys wouldn't pay attention.

" huh, sorry I was distracted" I pointed to the light and the angry expression that covered her face just a minute ago was replaced by a slight smile.

" I need glasses. Ahh, I need glasses, I can't believe it. I don't like glasses at all. I won't be able to go from the outside into a warm room without being blind for the next couple of minutes. Lane always used to stumble over something because she wouldn't see it. That's a funny thought, huh? Being blinded by glasses… it's paradox, oh and yeah, you would have to announce yourself before kissing me, so you wouldn't break the glasses that by the way cost a fortune if you don't wanna look like someone who was swallowed by glasses. That's probably the most the word glasses had been used in a sentence ever. It's a record, I'm gonna be in the book." she looked down again and whispered

" I need glasses, Jess!"

I tried my best to suppress the smirk that was tugging at the corner of my lips.

" oh, and I thought you needed glasses, you didn't make yourself clear!" I replied sarcastically.

She shot me her withering stare.

"that's not funny, Jess." as she said that I couldn't control myself anymore. I started laughing and soon she was joining me. As soon as we calmed down I looked at her seriously.

" you won't have to wear it all day, you know. It's only for reading purposes. Come on Rory, it's not that bad. You'll look great. It's gonna make you look even smarter. I'll even come with you when you pick one out, that's a deal ?" she nodded, not totally convinced by my speech.

" come on my love, do it for the perfect evening, do it for a glass of red wine." I smirked, got up and held my hand out for her to take.

" you must be starving, dinner's ready."

" what are we having?" she asked and I knew she hoped it wouldn't be take out.

" pasta and I thought maybe red vines would go with it just perfectly?" I had to say it.

She shrugged and said " as long as the pasta is eatable" I smiled to myself and thought only she would freak out like that over the fact that she needed reading glasses

**Flashback end**

I put all of her stuff in a plastic bag and placed it in the living room. On second thought I took her spare glasses out of the bag and put it behind my books on the book shelf.

so what dou you think ? I know it´s a lot of flashbacks but i wanted to show the happier times as well. i hope you liked it. next chapter: Rory´s point of view.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4,

Still don't own them.

Rory POV:

The minute I left our apartment I felt lost. With every step I took I erased my past, my past with him. I knew I couldn't go back then, I screwed up too much, I hurt him too much. The funny thing is though, I was hurt as well, but it was my own doing. I was the one getting drunk, I was the one sleeping with another guy. I cheated, I'm a cheater. What did Rachel's mother tell her in Friends: Once a cheater, always a cheater.! Despite the urge to go back in to wait for him, maybe explain my actions to him, I kept walking. I fiddled the keys for my car out of my purse and got in the car. I had to tell mom,

I sat behind the wheel taking a deep breath. I looked back to the apartment we shared for over a year now and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I inspected myself in the back mirror. Bags under my eyes that weren't as blue as they were supposed to. They were clouded over with a dark shadow of sorrow, guilt and the feeling never to be happy again. I shut my eyes tightly to suppress the sobs that were now announcing their arrival. I bit my lower lip until I could taste the blood on my tongue. It didn't help, as I was starring at this unfamiliar face in the mirror, I broke down completely.

When I got the my childhood home, my eyes were puffy and red. The mascara was all over my face. I could still taste the salt and blood on my lip. I couldn't stop thinking: You get what you deserve.

I knocked on the door, it was silly I knew that, but ever since mom and Luke moved in together I felt like I should announce my arrival especially since they didn't know I was coming over.

"mom?" I yelled as I stepped into the house after minutes of waiting outside in the cold. After all it was nearly October. " Mom?" I yelled again, this time louder. I just wanted to take out my cell phone to call her I heard laughing outside on the porch. I spotted my mom sitting on the steps of the porch, Luke's arms around her, as if he wanted to keep her warm. She looked him into his eyes leaned forward to whisper something in his ear. He smiled and tightened his grip on her. Suddenly mom jumped up yelling " hey, that's Rory's car. My baby's home!" I heard the door open with a loud thud , nearly knocking the windows out. She hugged me before I could even blink. " offspring of mine, what a surprise." I hugged her tightly not wanting to let go off her, just for once I wanted to feel as if everything was alright. Oh boy. Being mom's little girl, I couldn't control myself any longer. I was shaking uncontrollably, my sobs getting louder and more desperate. My mom tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let her. I needed her to hold me. I needed to know she still loved me. That's when I figured that I couldn't tell her what happened at this party and afterwards. I didn't want to to disappoint her. I didn't want to lose her love as well.

"Rory, honey, what's wrong?" I could hear the fear in her voice. She was scared shitless to see me like this. I always was the strong and confident one in this relationship. I would be the one to calm her down when she was freaking out. I used to be the rational one… used to be.

"mom", I tried to choke out between two sobs. I cried so hard I was hiccupping already.

"honey, what's wrong?" she would ask the question all over again, getting more and more concerned every time she asked.

"Rory" now, she was shaking my shoulders as if to say: get a grip! "Rory, did something happen to jess?" she was now yelling so loudly, that Luke came running in the room. He looked from me to my mom and his face paled visibly. He adjusted his cap and opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He swallowed and finally he could put the words together.

" Jess's alright, isn't he?" it was a rhetoric question he didn't want an answer because I knew that it would kill him inside if the boy, the man he considered his son was physically hurt.

I saw the shock and fear on both their faces and realized that they were imagining the worst scenario.

"he's okay, it's just that…" I took a shaky breath and then locked my eyes with my mothers´.

"Ibrokeupwithhim" I let it all come out in a long breath.

Mom gasped: " I beg you pardon?" she knew I wasn't joking, she was there when I had my breakdown just a minute ago.

Luke just looked at me, mouth hanging open, his eyes avoiding mine. The tension in the house was high, you could have cut it with a knife.

And then I don't even know who it was asked the mother of all questions.

"why?" such a simple word, one syllable, three letters but for me this word symbolized the end. The end of the road, the end of growing up, the end of my life with jess.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5...

Wow thank you so much for your reviews, they made my day ( days actually) I´m really glad you seem to like it. Elizabeth Theresa, nessquick13, natalie-fall, Janelle, Katie 05, dodgers lady, imaslacker, Veronica, gilmore15girl, britbrat, petitos grasshopertje... YOU ROCK!

Music4MySoul: yeah u are right, jess is slightly ooc, but think about it, rory cheated on him, it kinda hurt him bad. but he will soon be his old self !

Jess´s POV.

I woke up the next morning to a familiar sound. I heard heels clacking on the wooden floor of the apartment. I slowly opened my eyes, making sure I was´nt dreaming it. No, click click click. There was someone running around in a hurry. I rubbed my trembles, unable to make the headache go away. I wasn´t hung over, that much I knew, but why was I feeling like this ? Then it started all coming back to me, the breakup, the heartache, the message. It suddenly hit me with all force. It was Rory running around in a hurry, it was her picking up her stuff, after all I told her I wouldn´t care if she came over. Rory was only ten feet away, picking up her life with me.

I covered my head with my pillow, trying to shut out the sun coming through the huge window of the bedroom. I took a look at the picture on the nightstand. It was one of my favorite ones we had of us.

**Flashback**

"Rory" I yelled as we were struggling to carry the couch up the three floors to our new apartment.

" you let it fall, you let it fall and now I can´t feel my arm anymore. You could have said something. A " hey Jess, this is too he heavy, could we please take a break" would have been really great!" I spat.

She looked at me in surprise, one eyebrow raised, head tilted to one side. Her forehead was covered in sweat and a strand of hair fell over her eye. She placed the hands on her hips and glared at me.

"there´s not need for you to yell, Jess. Really why are you yelling at me?"

I shrugged and she sighed.

" we have been arguing for four hours straight, what´s the matter with you ? You don´t doubt this whole moving in thing right now, do you ? I imean, we just carried about a thousand boxes up the stairs, not to mention the washing machine and …" I interrupted her rant with a snort

" yeah, I carried about a thousand boxes up the stairs, while you were having s chit chat with out new neighbour" I murmured under my breath.

"what is this all about, Jess?" she looked at me, and for a moment I could hear the hurt in her voice.

"Nothing", I hurried passed her, the couch that yet had to be carried one more floor forgotten.

What if it was a mistake? The moving in part, the commitment. I knew I loved her but I didn´t want to screw up. What if one day, she would have enough of me and leave?

I entered the bare apartment and sat down on the floor, breathing heavily. I knew she would be coming after me, wanting to know what was going on, why I was in this shitty mood.

I didn´t look up when she entered the apartment as well. She came over to me where I was leaning against a box full of books. She didn´t say a word, and I knew her well enoughto know that she would wait until I would break the silence. She always made me talk. She sat across from me, legs crosses in Indian style and tilted my head up with her hand.

Suddenly I was mad at myself, I did it again, I shut her out. I closed my eyes to calm myself down.

Finally I opened them again, locked eyes with her and said:

"I´m scared Rory. I don´t wanna screw this up" my voice sounded strange even to me.

"you don´t wanna screw what up, Jess? " she whispered while playing with a book that had fallen out of the box. It was "Oliver Twist"

I had to smile a bit.

"I´m scared that I´m gonna screw this up, us…" I trailed of , giving her the opportunity to complete my sentence.

"why? We´re great together, we really are, Jess. " I looked at her but not really looking at her. It took a mínute before I finally could go on.

" how do you know that I won´t screw up?" she stood and snuggled her body between my legs, her back against my chest. I began playing with her hair absently when I heard her whisper

" because you´re it, Jess. You´re always gonna be my man. And you have changed, I have changed. we´re not teenagers anymore, we´re adults here. Doing adult things " I sensed her smile although I couldn´t see her face.

"and", she continued

" because you´re my dodger! There´s only one of him!"

I kissed the back of her neck, not knowing what to say to express my feelings, so I let my actions speak. She tasted of salt and body lotion, she was driving me crazy. Between kisses I murmured into her neck .

" I" kiss " love" kiss" you". we wouldn´t say that too often. Therefore the meaning of these words whenever they were said, was overwhelming.

She turned around and leaned her forehead against mine. We were barely touching. Lips, inches apart, chests moving heavily as if we had been running. Hands resting in the laps.

"I know" was all she said because she captured my lips with hers. Soon she was lying fully on top of me, her body fitting perfectly into mine. Her little hands were playing with the hem of my shirt. She tugged on it.

"aham" someone cleared his throat.

We jumped apart, embarrassed like teenagers for being caught. Rory´s cheeks were red and she was fiddling with the sleeve of her shirt while trying to look up to the door. I smirked, the situation was just too funny.

"I´m so sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to say hi. I´m your next door neighbor. So…. Hi"

I looked up to see a maybe midforty slim woman, her hair was greying and she was wearing jeans and a sweater. I took pity on her, the way she was standing in the door frame looking arkward.

I went up to her, extended my hand and introduced us. She shook my hand and nodded. Then she said something about tradition, pictures and now…. I couldn´t make a word out. She was rambling too fast. She turned around and went to her apartment just to come back a minute later with a camera in her hand.

" we have to take a picture of the two of you on your moving day, it´s tradition in this buiding!"

Rory , who still hadn´t said a word was the one to respond.

"uh… sure, that would be nice, thanks you!" she stuttered still not having recovered from being caught.

I opened my mouth to protest, but Rory took my hand and started to look around in the apartment. Her face lit up instantly and she dragged me with her over to the box we had been leaning against just five minutes ago. We sat down, she between my legs my hands around her waist. I leaned forward and placed mychinon her shoulder, frowning .I heard a click, I saw a flash and then it was over . Our new neighbor said good bye hastily, went out and shut the door behind her carefully.

" so" I said smirking

" where were we?" I leaned it and kissed her.

**Flashback end**

I took the picture from the nightstand, got out of the bed and opened the door to the living room, not caring thatI was only clad in my boxers. Afterall, it´s nothing she hadn´t seen before.I saw Rory scanning the book shelves lost in thoughts. She tensed up though when she heard me coming over to her.

I extended my arm and gave her the picture frame , making sure my hand wouldn´t touch hers , my eyes never leaving hers, not blinking once.I wouldn´t give her the satisfaction that it hurt too much to look her in the eye.

"take it, after all it was taken the day we moved in, now take it with you the day, you ´re moving out."

love it, hate it ? tell me. i never would have pegged me as an author who is begging for reviews, but seriously just leave a note, guys.!

next chapter: how will rory react ? will they talk ? or maybe will they make up ? stay tuned ... :-)


	6. Chapter 6

Don´t own them, because if I did, Jess would still be on the show.

Thanks for your reviews. I appreciate them a lot! I can´t be believe I am actually on a fav. list. This is so amazing.

CoffeeJunkee06: No, they´re broken up, but they will end up together, i swear. It´s just not so easy considering some circumstances you don´t know yet :-) I am a tease, am i not ?

Rory´s POV:

I entered the apartment the morning after I got back from Stars Hollow. I was worn out, exhausted. I don´t know how many words there are for describing how incredibly tired I was.

I subconsciously hoped that Jess would be there, that I would come home and he would greet me with a kiss and breakfast. But who was I kidding ? definitely not me.

I looked around the apartment; everything seemed to be the same, but what did I expect ? He was still living here, everything in this room reminded me of him, of our past life together of our future that wouldn´t be ours anymore. It was either his future or mine. As I was scanning the bookshelves, my thoughts drifted away.

**Flashback **

" I thought you said you didn´t read much"

"well, what is much?"

"Goodnight, dodger."

"dodger?"

" figure it out"

" oliver twist"

**Flashback end**

I thought about that very encounter when I heard the bedroom door open. I didn´t dare to turn around, I was too afraid of the look on his face. Hurt, anger, love, passion….. hatred ? I wasn´t ready for the confrontation just yet. I tried my best to stay calm. Not giving away the fact that I was dying inside. I let my hands travel over the books, every single one I touched brought another memory back into my mind, memories I didn´t want to lose but on the same time I wished I could erase , because they hurt so much. He came closer, I smelled him. I would have recognized his scent out of a million of people, it was the scent I used to refer to as the Jess-scent, unique, safe and dangerous at the same time, daring and challenging. I stood still, not moving a muscle in my body, eyes fixed on the bookshelf, hands back in my pockets.

It was when he was finally so close I could hear his breathing, I allowed myself to turn around. I was met with his eyes, cold, indifferent, but I thought I saw anger and hurt as well. No hatred. I let out the breath I didn´t know I had been holding since I felt his presence.

When he opened his mouth to say something, I was prepared for the worst.

"Take it, after all it was taken the day we moved in, now take it with you the day, you ´re moving out."

I wasn´t prepared for this, not. At.all. His voice took my breath away and not in a good way might I add. It was cold, stone cold, indifferent, it lacked of everything I loved about him. No passion, no love, no caring. It hit me hard. I broke Jess Marianos´s heart. How much did I want to tell him, that I as well was breaking on the inside. He was starring right into my eyes, not blinking once. I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell, I wanted to punch him….I wanted him to yell at me ….. I wanted to love him and I wanted him to love me back. Mentally, physically. I looked down at the picture, tears welling up in my eyes, I swallowed hard, as if I wanted to swallow down all those emotions boiling inside of me. A frowning Jess was starring back at me from the picture, messed up hair, sweaty, but on the same time the sexiest he´d ever been. I focused on his eyes, full of emotion, happiness, love and bit annoyance as well, after all, he was still Jess the little punk. Then I made the mistake to look up, he was now starring at my hands holding the picture. I allowed myself to scan his facial features. His cheekbones, well defined. His forehead that was now covered by his hair. I travelled south and was starring at his lips. Oh god, a shaky sob escaped my mouth. I wouldn´t ever be able to kiss these lips again. And suddenly, I have no idea how I got my body to move, my mind was blank. If I had thought straight, I wouldn´t have done that. All I know that all of a sudden my mouth was on his. When I thought earlier, that his emotionless voice hurt, I had no idea how much it would hurt being pushed back by the man you love.

" Rory, what the hell..?" He was starring at me as if I was crazy. Maybe he was right. I was crazy.

He turned around, pacing up and down the living room the way he would always do it when he was nervous.

" You´ve got to be kidding me, rory!"

I just stood there, my hand on my lips where I have just felt his earlier.

" I´m sorry. I am so so sorry." I whispered.

" For what, rory ?" his voice was harsh. He came up to me looking straight in my eyes.

" for what rory ? for trying to kiss me although we´re broken up or are you sorry that you cheated on me? What it it, rory . 3…2…1….. BANG, your time is over. I now need to ask you to leave MY apartment."

" I need my clothes!" I need my clothes? I didn´t just say that! But although my mind screamed STOP, I continued.

" you know they are still in the closet in the bedroom!" I wasn´t ready to say "your" bedroom yet. It should be ours.

" go on in, it´s all yours.!" With that he grabbed a pair of jeans that fit him so well and a black sweater and turned towards the apartment door. He turned around again and said over his shoulder.

" and rory, you know what hurts the most is the fact that I didn´t even find out from you. You didn´t tell me, hell I mean you didn´t even try to explain! That fucking hurts Rory."

And suddenly all these emotions I missed earlier were visible in his face. Love, passion, anger, hurt, but still no hatred. He didn´t hate me. He let his guard down and I knew it would only be a matter of seconds and his face would go blank again. He opened the door, looked at me once more and left. The second I heard the door close, I collapsed on the bed, sobbing. I hugged his T-shirt and my heart was screaming. I love you, Jess. But my head was saying: You´re doing the right thing!

So, what do you think ? hate it, like it ? Reviews are always appreciated! Please!


	7. Chapter 7

Damn, I still don´t own them….

OMG; thanks for your reviews! I can't express how much they mean to me.

Coffeejunkee06: No, I don´t think it's gonna take 15 chapters, but sometimes there are aspects I wanna put in that make the story longer and therefore the reunion. Btw, your review? Ahhh! 

Jess´s POV:

I gave in. I finally gave in. Luke wouldn't stop calling. He just wouldn't stop. So, I gave in. I was gonna spend Thanksgiving in Stars Hollow with Luke and Lorelai.

**Flashback**

I was just getting out of the shower when I heard the phone ringing. I instantly knew that it was Luke. He had been calling non-stop the last couple of days. Actually it started bothering me so much, that I stopped answering the phone altogether. I made a mental note to tell Luke off because I missed a call from my boss.

I sighed and picked up the phone.

"Yeah, this is a guy who is extremely pissed at his uncle, how can I help you?" I smirked when I heard Luke taking a deep breath.

"Nice to finally reach you and here I thought you might be avoiding my calls!"

"Well, I just had a lot of work to do…" I trailed of knowing that it would be useless to lie to Luke.

"So, Jess, we were wondering of you wanted to spend thanksgiving over here in Stars Hollow with us. I would only be the three of us. You, Lorelai, me…"

No" how are you, no small talk, Luke got right to the point. It was his was of showing that he cared.

"Ah, Jeez. Luke. I don't know if that's such a great idea. I don't want all of Stars Hollow on my back. I don't want their pity, though I'm not completely convinced that they wouldn't blame me."

"Well, Jess?" Suddenly Luke sounded nervous.

"They don't know you two are going through a rough time…" I cut him off, suddenly angry.

"God, Luke, just say it. We're broken up. Rough time my ass!"

The line went silent for the longest time. I could practically picture Luke leaning over the counter in the empty diner, deep in thoughts.

"You're sure?"

"You're asking me if I'm sure. Well let me count the ways we're broken up. Her stuff is gone, Ayn Rand´s books are not lying around anymore, I threw out the coffeemaker, and oh yeah, and I haven't had sex in forever… You're happy now?" Luke sighed.

"You know, we still don't know why, Jess! It's driving Lorelai crazy."

"Let me tell you something. Right now, I don't care if it's driving Lorelai crazy. Right now all I care about is getting my act back together. And by the way. I don't know why either. Well, at least not exactly!"

"Oh." Over the line I heard the bell in the diner ring, announcing a costumer.

"Look, Jess, please just think about it, ok? Well, gotta go, costumers, well you know … call me!" With that the line went dead.

I sighed and pulled the towel around my waist tighter. I frowned. Have I lost weight? Wow, I'm a girl! That's the minute when I realized that it couldn't go on like this.

I made a list in my head. A list? God, it all came back to her.

1. Order take out

2. Laundry

3. Stop living like a hermit

4. Actually eating the take out.

5. Go to Stars Hollow for thanksgiving.

**Flashback end**

Welcome to your very own hell. I thought as I drove by the "welcome in stars hollow" sign.

As soon as people saw my car outside of Lukes´s, I was surrounded by a group of weird town people.

"Ah, Jess, it's so nice to have you back. We were starved for entertainment around here" I winced visibly as Miss Patty welcomed me in her embrace. Supporting nods and murmurs came from all over the crowd. I was counting the seconds in my head 1…2…10… until…

"Hey, Jess, how do you cope with Rory being in London? It must be hard, this whole long distance thing. Do you use computers with theses little cameras to communicate?" Babette raised her eyebrows while looking at me knowingly.

"Huh, you know, we cope …" I looked around frantically for someone who might help me out of this mess. Just someone, please! As if she heard my pleading Lorelai came through the crowd of people and dragged me with her towards the diner.

"Thanks, they were eating me alive here. Well, at east I'm sure Miss Patty was." I said as I sat down on the counter.

Luke was nowhere to be seen. I felt Lorelai´s gaze on me and turned around to face her. She was sitting next to me, a cup of coffee between her hands.

" so, Jess, how are you?" she asked carefully.

" I´m good" I didn´t blink, I just looked at her, not avoiding her eyes, that by the way were mocking me, since they were the same as her daughter´s.

"liar" she laughed a little and then turned back to her coffee.

" you know, you don´t have to lie to me. I know you´re hurting" I hated it when people tried to understand when they wouldn´t.

"huh" back to my old self.

Lorelai took a sip of her coffee, sighed and starred at me.

" you´ve lost weight, Jess. Last time I saw you, your cheek bones were´nt as prominent as they are now." Oh boy, here we go.

Thankfully Luke took that comment as his sign to appear.

" hey kid, you´re here." He came over and gave me a manly hug.

" told you I would come!" I had to admit it was nice to see he actually was glad to see me.

Suddenly Lorelai´s cell phone started ringing. Luke pointed to the door almost immediately and mouthed the words " outside now".

"But Lukey, it's so cold. Damn, You´re sleeping on the couch tonight." Luke just shrugged and whispered something under his breath that sounded surprisingly like "as if".

I enjoyed Luke's company because he would not ask how I was, he would not ask how I coped, he wouldn´t look at me and tell me, that I had lost weight.

The door bell rang again and Lorelai re-entered the scene. But she was walking funny, not facing us, but instead looking everywhere but me. I had a weird feeling in my gut, but I didn´t push her. Part of me really didn´t want to know.

"Hey Luke, I´m going upstairs for while, that's okay with you right? If you need help yell." I said and walked up the stairs.

I had the feeling that Lorelai´s sudden change of moods had to do with Rory. I bet she was telling Luke right now, just a couple of feet away. Should I dare and listen? I decided I should, but on retrospect maybe I shouldn't have.

I stood as quietly as I could, barely breathing. I didn´t want to get caught, ears dropping.

I heard Lorelai´s voice, low and full of emotion.

"She's pregnant" I gasped. What!

Luke apparently was thinking the same thing.

"What? "

Rory's pregnant. Oh god." And again what? Why the hell did she leave me then? And then it hit me. It's not mine.

"It's not Jess's."

I know, I know. Before you start lightening darts and throw them at my picture ( god, i loved that episode :-) ) , the whole Rory is pregnant thing is overdone, I know. But stay with me please. I´m gonna do it a little differently!

Review! THANKS


	8. Chapter 8

Don´t own them!

You are so amazing! Thank you so much! Music4mysoul, u reviewed every single chapter, I feel so honoured.

Let me tell you, it was really hard to write this chapter. Really hard!

A month later

Rory´s POV.

I was sitting in my small apartment in London thinking about home. Funny enough I did not think about Stars Hollow, I was thinking about New York and yes about Jess. I always used to make fun of those people who would say: home is where your heart is, but right now I got the meaning and it wasn´t cheesy at all. I placed my hands carefully over my stomach as if I didn´t want to disturb the tiny human being growing inside of me. Yeah, I was pregnant. I got knocked up by a guy who wasn´t even my guy then. You heard right: then. As it turned out Steven was also sent to London. Steven, the name still left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. It didn´t sound right. Two syllables instead of one. Blond hair instead of dark brown. Blue eyes instead of brown. Yes, it wasn´t right at all. Now the question is why was I with him? I needed a father to my child. I grew up without mine, and it hurt. I knew the minute I found out I was pregnant that Jess would leave me. I didn´t even consider an abortion, I wasn´t raised that way, I wasn't raised to run from responsibility. After all, my mom got pregnant when she was 16. Boy, how did she deal with it then? I didn´t even knowbeing 25 if I was ready enough to be a mom. I made the right choice, I tried to convince myself everyday, that everything would be all right. But why was I having all these doubts? why was I still wondering if maybe if I had told Jess, we would have been able to work it out ? I couldn´t then and now ? it was too late. I looked around. The apartment was nice, huge windows, wooden floor, big kitchen, but one thing was missing. No, someone was missing. Jess. It didn´t pass one minute in my life that I didn´t think about him.

I talked to my mom everyday. She told me that Jess knew, she also told me that Jess had left the diner in a hurry and hadn´t come back until late the night. Drunk and looking like a ghost.

Oh God, I screwed up big time. I suppressed a sob while aloowing myself to drift off again.

**Flashback**

We were in Stars Hollow for the weekend. It had been snowing and I convinced Jess to take a walk through the first snow of the season. He protested but after seeing the disappointment in my eyes, he finally gave in. We were walking, arms wrapped around each other, the closest two people could walk without actually being the same person. I looked around amazed by the beauty of my home town.

" isn´t it beautiful?" I asked eagerly, squeezing his hand tightly.

" it sure is, Rory." He replied but I heard in his voice that he wasn´t really paying attention to my words.

I looked up at him and saw him starring at something in the distance. I followed his gaze and all of a sudden a warm feeling spread through me. He was looking at two boys, probably 2 or 3 years old, trying to build a snowman. I tightened my grip on his hand, feeling overwhelmed bythe intense expression on his face. I didn´t say a word. I just buried my head into his chest, breathing in his scent. Suddenly he stopped and pushed me away softly. I felt cold without him near me. He leaned down and whispered something in my ear. The breath caught in my throat. I felt like I was couldn´t breath anymore. I felt dizzy. He said it again.

" You know Rory, I think our kids will be able to do better. After all you're the snowman queen!" he smiled shyly, suddenly feeling embarrassed. All I could do was taking his head in my hands and kiss him hard. Full of promise. We stayed in each other's embrace for hours, at least it seemed to be for hours. When I finally pulled away I smirked.

" I bet they will. Or maybe they will just end up destroying the other kids´snowmen."

**Flashback end**

Suddenly I knew what I had to do. This was wrong. Totally wrong, one hundred percent wrong. It wasn´t supposed to end like this.at.all. I suddenly wanted to laugh out loud. I felt happy. I knew what I had to do. The least I could do was to try to win him back. The least I could do… but once I thought about it, I sobered. Rory, get the facts straight. You´re pregnant, you cheated. I do know that but at the same time Ineeded him so badly.

I got up with a start and took Oliver Twist out of my bookshelf. I pulled a black pen out of my purse and started my mission. Winning Jess back, regaining his trust and maybe at some point regaining my own happiness. It may sound selfish, but right then I didn´t care. I furiously started to scan the pages for the word dodger and then with a smooth swift of my hand I crossed all those words out, making them unreadable. When I was finished, my eyes hurt, my hand was stiff and I was tired. But it felt good. For the first time in a couple of weeks I allowed myself to smile.A real smile.

I scribbled a note on the first page, put the book in a big envelope, addressed it and put a stamp on it that I found on my desk. Then i grabbed the keys and left the apartment.

On my way to the post office, i called Steven to let him now that I was coming over later.

Steven looked at me with, nodding his head in understanding.

" i don´t even know if he´s gonna take me back. but it would be wrong for us to be together, Steven. I´m sorry." when i didn´t get a reply I continued.

" but you´re still the biological father, i mean since..." he interrupted me.

"Rory, calm down. i understand. I get where this is coming from. My parents got a divorce when i was still a kid, it hurt.I mean, if it weren´t for the fact that you´re pregnant, we wouldn´t be together. hell, we haven´t been together really.We just did what we thought would be the best for the kid, but we both know that it´s not."

I got up, hugged him and went to the door feeling relieved. I turned around once again.

" you´re agreat guy, Steven, thank you!" he just nodded again and sighed.

"i´ll be there for you and the kid. keep that in my mind." It was the first time i realized that he would always call it the kid. not your, not our, but the kid, the baby.

I opened the door of his apartment and went back to my place counting the days in my head the letter would take to arrive at its destination.

So ? what dou you think? i am not completly satisfied with this chapter, not even a bit but i just had to update. it´s so fun to write this.

review, thanks!


	9. Chapter 9

Nope, they are not mine.

thank you for your reviews, they are great! THANKS

**Jess POV**

'Bills, bills, bills, big envelope, bills… Wait, big envelope?' I was going through my mail that had been lying on the kitchen table for a few days. I recognized her handwriting immediately. Neat and precise. I struggled with myself, should I open it? Maybe it would help me to get closure. My hands were shaking when I opened the envelope.

It was a book, Oliver Twist to be exact. Why did she send it to me? Did she want to torture me even more? I looked through it and frowned. On most of the pages , words were crossed out. First I couldn't make out what they were but soon it dawned on me. The Artful Dodger was no longer part of the story, but what was she telling me? Has she moved on, did she not need me in her life anymore?

**Flashback**

I woke up with a bad headache, not knowing where I was. I let my eyes scan my surroundings. Oh, I was lying in my old bed above the diner, and apparently I had the worst hangover of my life. Why had I been drinking so much? Then I knew. Rory was pregnant, it was not mine. I got up and poured myself a glass of water. Oh boy, and here I thought I couldn't feel worse than the day I found out she cheated on me.

Suddenly I felt the overwhelming urge to throw up. I ran into the bathroom and all of my stomach contents made their way into the toilet. With my free hand, I searched for the flush as I slipped down onto the floor. I rubbed my temples, trying to make the pain go away, but of course it wouldn't. it only got worse. I silently cursed myself for losing it. I got up and put on my clothes from the night before. They smelled of smoke and alcohol. I guess I spent my night at some local bar, I didn't know anymore.

I grabbed my stuff and slowly made my way down the stairs. Luke and Lorelai were the only people downstairs, after all it was thanksgiving.

I avoided eye contact with either of the two as I said. "Hey, I don't feel like giving thanks anymore, I'm out of here." Luke just nodded sympathetically and if he wanted to stop me from going home, he didn't. I opened the door and heard the bell ring. It didn't help my headache.

I turned around, looked at Lorelai and said: "Well, I guess congratulations are in order, after all you're going to be a grandmother"

Lorelai looked down and whispered something that sounded like "I wished it was yours," she had no idea.

**Flashback end**

I looked through the book again and found a note on the first page. I took a deep breath before reading it.

_Dear Jess, _

_The book symbolizes how I feel. Incomplete, because of the fact that the main character is missing in my life. I'm so sorry I hurt you and I pray every night that you will be able to forgive sometime for what I've done. My life means nothing without you. When I told you back then that it meant something to me, I should have elaborated. Yes, it did mean something to me, but only because of the fact that I wouldn't hate the tiny human being that is growing inside of me. I didn't want things to turn out this way, I always pictured us together, picking out baby names, arguing over the books our child would be allowed to read. I **never** wanted anyone else to be the father of my child, never. When I close my eyes, it's you, who I see. When I wake up in the morning, it's always you I picture lying next to me, but it never is. I wanted it to be you who would discover my first grey hair. I can see you when I close my eyes teasing me about it. It's a lot to ask, I know, but I love you so much and I would do anything to be the one you're gonna spend the rest of your life with. Please Jess, this is me begging you to give me another chance._

_Love, Rory_

I've already read it about ten times. I felt my eyes getting wet, my tears leaving wet marks on the paper. I had to lie down, no, I had to throw up, I didn't know what to think anymore. I didn't know what to want anymore…. No, I did exactly know what I wanted. I wanted her.

I fixed myself a cup of coffee, yes, I had bought a new coffeemaker. In the last couple of weeks it kinda became a habit to drink coffee while thinking about her. It made me feel closer to her, because I could taste her. I swallowed down the hot liquid and fought the urge to call Luke. I didn't need another opinion on this, no, if I was sure about anything it was the fact that she was worth a second chance.

I ripped a sheet of paper of my legal pad and wrote two words. Two words that would be able to change my life. No, not changing it, but getting it back to normal. To the way we were!

so, what do you think? like it ? hate it ? it was fun writing it. hope this is better than the last one!


	10. Chapter 10

Nope, not mine.

I can't even express how much I love you!

Special thanks to XArcanexHopeX for editing the last chapter for me.

A/N: i´ve had the worst day, it sucked big time. My life is slowly but steadily falling apart, or at least that´s how i feel. so please, try to save my sanity, review! Maybe it´s blackmail, but right now that´s how i feel like! AHHHHHHH

Rory's POV

Here I was sitting in the waiting hall of Heathrow Airport, London, chewing nervously on my bottom lip. I was going back, back to the life I left behind, back to my life. Steven offered me a ride to the airport which I gladly accepted after all I was pregnant and had six suitcases. We said our goodbyes, promising that we would keep in touch, he was the biological father of my kid. I ran a hand over my purse where the most precious piece of paper was placed in. I couldn't stop smiling, I looked like a maniac, but I didn't care. I was feeling all sorts of emotions. Fear, excitement, hope, love. I was a bundle of nerves. I clutched my now empty cup of coffee. Decaf of course, I didn't want my kid to have three heads. I jerked up when my flight was ready to board. I pushed my way through the waiting crowd playing the pregnancy card. It took me hours or so it seemed to get past the security check once again. When I was finally sitting on my seat I allowed myself to take the note out of my purse. I reread it what seemed to be the millionth time. Two words, two wonderful words. Two syllables that made my heart burst. I looked at it, not believing how fucking beautiful these words were. " come home" was scribbled in his familiar handwriting. I was coming home, back home, home …. God, I love this word. Happily I repeated the words all over again: come home, come home, home, home, home. Home to jess. I received strange looks from the people next to me, but I just smiled and said:

" I'm going home, I'm excited" I added apologetically. The woman on my right looked at my only barely visible stomach and asked: " so, you're going home to the father"?

I hesitated. Oh God, did I go home to the father ? Would Jess father a child that wasn't his? All I knew that apparently he wanted me to come home. I took a deep breath.

" no, I'm going home to the dad." the woman smiled knowingly and let it drop.

I snuggled into my seat and tried to rest.

I was woken up by a flight attendant telling me that we were landing soon. I had been sleeping for nine hours? Suddenly the emotions were too much to take, I started to cry and when the nice lady next to me asked me if I was all right, I completely lost it. My sobs were getting louder. I tried to calm down, I really did. I murmured something about " hormones" and gladly accepted the tissue she was handing me.

No one knew I was coming, well I guess Jess knew, but he didn't know that it would be today.

I paid the cab driver and got out. I was standing in front of the building that had been my home for the last year. I left my suitcases at the airport, just in case … I climbed up the stairs to the apartment, taking my time. Every now and then I would stop to control my breathing. When I finally reached the third floor I took a last breath and went around the corner. Suddenly I was too shy to use the key. Part of me wanted to turn around and run, but the other part made me raise my hand to knock on the wooden door. I heard footsteps approaching from the inside and all of the sudden , I felt more scared than I have ever been in my entire life. More scared than the time my first article was published more scared than when I woke up and my mom was gone when I was five, more scared even than when I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't ready for this. Should I indeed run? The decision was taken out of my hand when the door opened and I stood face to face to Jess Mariano. I gasped while he was standing there, sign of complete shock visible on his face. What was I supposed to do ? Was I supposed to say something, hug him, kiss him? God, no I couldn't do that. Think Gilmore think!

I opened my mouth and the stupidest and at the same time the most appropriate thing came out.

" hi, jess." I tried to read his eyes for any sign of emotion. I caught non. He opened the door properly and gestured with his hand as if to invite me in. I carefully took a step forward and when he made no sign of slamming the door into my face, I stepped fully into the apartment. The silence was freaking me out. I looked around , nothing's changed. Good ! I felt his eyes on me, scanning me up and down and when I turned around I saw his gaze lingering on my stomach. I tried to catch his eyes once again, but again I failed. He was looking anywhere but me. Weird, I should be the one, standing in the corner, waiting for the verdict, but it was him looking like the one on the dock. Questions over questions were running through my head. What? How? Mixed with all those emotions and hormones raving around, I couldn't think straight.

Finally he broke the silence.

" huh, so you're back." oh god, oh god! And once more: Oh god. Holy shit!

"yeah, I'm back." stupid Rory, stupid Rory!

" you, huh, you want something to drink ? I just made a new pot of coffee." I pointed to the kitchen.

Oh my god! Would now be the time to point to my stomach and say "duh, I'm pregnant?"

No, it wasn't the time to be "duhing" but it was certainly the time to talk.

"no, no coffee, thank you." I saw him raising an eyebrow trying to lighten the mood. Suddenly understanding was dawning on him.

" oh" that was one hell of a meaningful "oh" .

" tea then?" I nodded, trying to come up with something to say, anything.

" I just spent a few weeks in London, I had to get used to tea." it all came back to one thing. I had been staying in London for the last couple of weeks, why was that again? Oh yeah! That…

He went to the kitchen, I assumed he wanted to make the tea, but he came back empty handed, looking determined.

" Rory, I think we have to talk." it was the first time since we were standing in this awkward position that he addressed me directly, using my name.

"talk, yeah, lets talk?" I looked down at my hand that still was wearing his ring. He looked down as well.

" you're still wearing it…" it was meant to be a statement , not a question. I chose not to reply.

He pointed to the couch, looking questioningly at me.

We sat down, not saying a word, not facing each other, both apparently totally engrossed with the table cloth. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I lifted my head only to be met by his gaze. I swallowed. This was hard, this was so fucking hard. He locked his eyes with mine.

" you know, I meant it." what?

" when I said, come home, I meant it, but I wouldn't have thought that it would be so hard." I didn't dare to breath out of fear I might interrupt his train of thoughts. But he wouldn't continue. We sat in silence, each one of us deep in thoughts. Finally I broke down. I didn´t want to, but I couldn't hold back my tears an longer. A silent cry escaped my mouth, then another and another. Before I knew what was happening I was crying desperately. I expected anything, I expected him to tell me to leave, I expected him to yell at me but I didn´t expect his body close to mine, welcoming me in his embrace. Deep down I knew I didn't deserve it. I clung to him, never wanting to let go. I felt his body, I could smell his scent, my jess scent. I felt him. He wouldn't whisper soothing meaningless words in my ears, he would just hold me. I tightened my grip on him, telling him over and over again that I loved him. After what seemed an eternity he pulled away, looking at me.

" we have to talk about a lot of things, you know. And you telling me you love me won't solve all of our problems, but it's a start." and suddenly, his eyes were full of emotions. But most of all they were full of love. The breath was caught in my throat when he came closer and closer, pressing his lips on my forehead. I sensed hislips on my skin and at that moment hope was filling me, hope of getting him back and when he said " god , Rory, I missed you so much." I knew he had been as miserable as me..

So, what do you think ? bad ? good ? again lots of crying, but well that´s what pain does to you. review, it would definetly make my shitty day brighter.THANKS


	11. AN

A/N: noooooooo, I just wrote the next chapter, but my stupid computer decided to crash. NO

nononono. I didn´t save it. A whole chapter! I can´t believe it.

I try to get it back together today, but I won´t promise anything. Damnit!


	12. Chapter 12

I should be reading an article about cancer immunotherapy right now, but it´s in English and I don´t

understand a word, hell I wouldn´t understand a word if it was in German …

This chapter is dedicated to my sister who is also my best friend and the most supportive person in the world, though she won´t go off my back, because I wouldn´t let her read my stories !

You guys rock! seriously, you make my day! I have written the chapter before, but my stupid computer crashed and I hadn´t saved the document …. Silly me!

I´ve had trouble writing it, because I didn´t want to rush things and I didn´t want jess to always be the understanding, supportive person…..because, let´s face it: he had been hurt badly.

Enjoy and tell me what you think:

Jess´s POV:

Things weren´t the way they were, but we were trying. It seemed to be working, slowly but steadily we were getting our lives back on track. Rory hadn´t moved in with me. Yet. We both knew it still was too early. She was staying with her Mom in Stars Hollow, which was why I was currently sitting in my car on my way back to Stars Hollow, yet again. The people in this crazy town apparently were getting suspicious. Why was rory staying with her mom? They didn´t know and they really didn´t need to know, it was none of their fucking business.

**Flashback**

I was on the phone with Rory, as I would be every night at seven pm.

" they start acting weird, Jess. They´re always whispering when I´m around. I´m not stupid, you know.

Why should I tell them once they actually start questioning? " I sighed.

" tell them to leave you alone, it´s none of their business." I could practically see her shaking her head.

" I can´t do that. Man, I feel like being town property. They think they have a say in my life although they don´t ."

" you just answered your own question, Rory. Tell them to mind their own fucking business." I heard her take a deep breath.

" what´s wrong?" she was whispering now.

" nothing."

"oh…ok." it didn´t sound very convinced. Long silence.

" so, how´s Lorelai taking it ?" I said changing the subject.

" she thinks we´re doing the right thing, jess. We are, aren´t we? I mean, you haven´t changed your mind, have you ? I could understand…" I cut off her rant before she could continue.

" I haven´t changed my mind, Ror." " Ror" that´s the first time I have called her that since we had been broken up. It just came out so naturally. The line went once again silent, I could hear her breathing. In…out….in….out….

"that´s the first time you called me Ror, since…" she trailed off not being able to finish her thought. I chose not to reply.

"well, anyways" I could tell she was trying to act calmly although she was anything but calm.

" you´ll be here tomorrow, right?"

" yeah, I´ll leave right after work." boy, this wasn´t awkward at all.

" so, see ya tomorrow. You sure, you´re ok ?" was I okay ? No.

"yes. See ya tomorrow."

**Flashback end**

I stopped my car a few miles out of Stars Hollow, got out and took a walk around in the forest.

I laughed out loud. Boy, my life sure would make a good soap opera script.

Some people might think I was crazy to take her back, to let her back in my life, but I knew better.

I knew we were indeed doing the right thing.

When I opened the door of the diner, no one paid attention to the bell announcing a costumer, i.e.me.

I saw Lorelai and Rory sitting at the counter, chatting happily. I heard Luke stocking things in the storeroom. Without making a sound I went up to them and sat down next to Rory.

Her grip on the coffee pot tightened, her knuckles turning white.

Slowly as if she was moving in slow motion she turned around. If I had had any doubts about the decision I made, or about the way I felt about her, they were gone the second my eyes locked with hers. Her bright blue eyes were staring into mine while she said:

" I knew it was you, your scent gave you away." huh

" is that a good thing?" I smirked while our faces were getting closer and closer. Lips just a few inches apart. I laced our fingers together, rubbing small circles with my thumb on the back of her hand. My other hand was tracing her facial feature, going down, collarbone, sternum, finally resting on her stomach. I looked up at her to see if she wanted me to go further. She nodded silently. I closed the gap between us, softly pressing my lips on hers. We didn´t notice that lorelai had left the diner . All I noticed was her soft lips on mine while she was begging me to let her in. I happily obliged and parted my lips to let her tongue slip in. She tasted like coffee and cookies. This was heaven. We were hungrily kissing , teasing each other with out lips, teeth and tongues.

I opened my eyes slowly, trying to get a look of her.

Her eyes were closed , cheeks flushed, her hair a mess and she was more beautiful than ever.

I closed my eyes again and allowed myself to explore her mouth even more. When air started to become an issue, we pulled away, her forehead resting against mine. Her lips were swollen, her eyes still closed . She bit her bottom lip. I couldn´t tear my gaze away. I kissed the tip of her nose and she giggled softly. She wrapped her arms around my neck snuggling into my body. I felt the heat. I kissed the top of her head and closed my eyes, wanting to freeze this moment. Not wanting to have to face real life knowing that the kisses we shared, although amazing , didn´t disguise the fact that we still had a lot to work out.

Total fluff, I know. I thought after all this drama a fluff chapter would be nice..

What do u think ? Bad/ good? Review.

Do you want me to continue or do you think I should just write an epilogue and that´s it then ?

BTW: any name suggestions? For the baby I mean.


	13. Chapter 13

How many times do I have to tell you ? No, I don´t own them.

For all of you who said that you were hoping it was still Jess's kid, I'm not so sure. It may take the seriousness out of the story…. Well, as I said, I'm not so sure about it. Be surprised!

I can´t believe I already received so many reviews, you guys are the greatest!

JanelleRae: I really like your suggestions. It really seems fitting!

Enough with the rant, on with the story.

Rory's POV:

We've just had our first real fight. I can´t believe it. Things were going great, I even spent a couple of days in a row in New York. I screwed up, why can´t I just keep my mouth shut ? It must be heretical!

Why did I push this ?

**Flashback**

We were lying on the bed, legs intertwined, I didn´t know where I stopped and he began. I felt save.

A content sight escaped my mouth. No we haven't had sex yet, although I wouldn´t complain if he tried to go further, but he would always stop before things would get out of hand.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I looked up at him and asked him for about the millionth time.

" Jess?" he forced his eyes open, looking at me.

" are you… I mean´, do you really want this?" note to self: think before opening the mouth, because suddenly he withdrew his hand from mine and his whole body tensed up, anger shown in his eyes.

I was prepared for the worst:

" Dam nit, Rory. Why do you keep asking me this?

I made a decision, I'm not gonna change my mind." he was on the verge of yelling. He got up from the bed and paced around the room.

" this whole thing is getting redundant, Rory.

Does it suck that you cheated on me ? Yes.

Does it hurt that you cheated on me? Yes.

Do I like the fact that you're pregnant and it´s not mine? No.

Do I regret taking you back, being with you ? Once again, no.

Why are you pushing this? Huh? Why, Rory ?

Now, please back the fuck off!" with every question he threw at me I was I felt like I was getting ´smaller and smaller, shrinking into my position as if I tried to escape.

I felt like crying, though I wouldn´t allow myself to. Why wasn't I letting it go?

Suddenly I lost it.

" I just want to make sure that you're not gonna bail on me once the kid is born, Jess!" I knew the second I said that, that of all wrong things I could have said, this was the worst. His head dropped . He wouldn´t look me in the eye. I would give everything to take it back.

" you've got to be kidding me. funny." with this last comment he turned around and left the room.

When I heard the apartment door close, I gave in and started crying. I haven't cried since my breakdown the day I I had come back from London. All these emotions inside of me were finally taking the upper hand.

**Flashback end**

Dam nit. I was angry at myself, of course, Jess was right. Why didn´t I just accept the fact that he was okay with it ? Oh yeah, I needed confirmation, although I certainly wasn't in the position to ask for it.

I covered myself with the blanket, suddenly feeling very cold. I knew the situation was hard for him, so why wouldn´t I drop it? Am I being to selfish? Yeah.

He got back, about an hour later. I didn´t see him, but I heard him approaching the bedroom door.

He stopped and I could hear his irregular breathing. Suddenly the door opened and he appeared, apparently looking for me. I was still lying on the bed, blankets over my head, hidden from the outside world. I suddenly wished that he wouldn´t see me. This whole " I can´t see you, so you can´t see me either" crap.

He came over to me and took the blanket from my head to reveal my tear strained face. He looked at me for a long time before he sat down next to me and said.

" Rory, I want this. You know, I do. I've told you already about a thousand times. I just want it to be normal again. But every time you look at me, I see your guilt ridden face and I know you're beating yourself up about it. I don´t mean we should forget so easily, but I think we should start trying. I can´t be in a relationship based on guilt and you trying everything to make it up to me. I want a healthy relationship with two equals, not one being superior of the other. And that's how I feel. We're not equals here, rory. You need to tell me if something's wrong. I'm not the kind of guy who needs a declaration of love every day. You know that. That's what made our relationship special before. We just knew that it was meant to be without saying it everyday. I understand that you seem to need confirmation, and these hormones inside of you don't help it either" I smiled slightly at this.

" but" he continued, " I wouldn´t be here, if I didn´t want to Rory. I won´t bail. You should know that. After all we've been through, you still doubt me and that's hard to deal with." I was amazed.

That was probably the most jess had said in a row. He touched my cheeks., brushing the remaining tears away softly. Why was I so weak ? I was the screw up in this relationship and he was so great about it, why would I always end up crying. He was waiting for a reply, but I couldn't come up with anything to say. I let his words sink in. he was right. When I finally composed myself enough to reply and opened my mouth, he put his index finger on my lips and said.

" hush, you don´t have to say anything. Just think about it, Rory." he stood up again and left the room. I could hear him in the kitchen, probably making dinner.

When I was finally ready to face him again, I got up and followed the sounds that were coming out of the kitchen. I stopped in the door frame and watched him. He was slicing bread and the smell that filled the kitchen made my stomach rumble. He looked up, not saying a word.

I came up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist leaning my cheek against his shoulder blade.

" I do not doubt you, Jess. I really don´t. I'm just confused. So much happened in the last couple of months and I took my insecurity out on you. Freud would be so excited to have me on his couch. I was projecting my fear on you and I know it´s not right. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, Jess. I appreciate the things you do for me so much, I …" he cut me off.

Not turning around he said:

" that's the point Rory. You don´t have to appreciate the things I do for you, Rory. At least you don´t have to express them verbally. I know you're sorry and I know that you love me. Just let me love you back!"

Finally he turned around, pulling me into his arms. Things were starting to look up.

What do you think? Good? Bad? Review!


	14. Chapter 14

Yeah, I own them. Milo is hidden in my closet! Ha, I'm such a funny girl….

Dedicated to all of you who still read the story.

**Happy Thanksgiving** although we don´t celebrate it over here.

Jess's POV:

Things have changed since my outburst, in a good way. When I was now looking at her I would see her beautiful face, her blue eyes, her well defined cheek bones , her full lips instead of guilt, insecurity and fear. As I replayed the events of last night in my head, Rory began to stir next to me, apparently on the verge of waking up. I closed my eyes pretending to be asleep. She wouldn´t buy it.

" jess, I know you're awake. You have been watching me for a while now." she said, her eyes still closed.

"huh?"

" I felt your eyes on me. What were you thinking about ?" a smile I wanted desperately to hide, slowly spreading on my face.

"last night" she giggled softly.

" that was some night. You seemed very eager, almost …" I blushed slightly. Yes, if it wasn't for the fact that is was still dark in the bedroom, you would have seen my cheeks turn red.

" yeah, sorry about that." eyes still closed , both of us.

" hey, it just means you really wanted me badly" some more giggles. Rory was back. She started teasing me again. I sighed silently. This was good.

"but" she continued " the second time around was amazing, let's not talk about the third time , because I'm still trying to catch my breath from that one." I smiled and pressed my lips against her forehead.

" let's go back to sleep" I said as I drifted off again, allowing myself one last time to remember how it felt to be with her. Really be with her.

**Flashback**

We stayed in that embrace what felt like an eternity. I felt her lips tracing my facial features. When she made her way to my ear and sucked at it softly, I finally leaned it, meeting her mouth with full force. We were kissing hungrily, hands everywhere, leaning in to each other, using the stove for support. Boiling water and pasta all forgotten. The apartment could have caught fire and we still wouldn´t have paid attention. We were wrapped in each other's arms, not believing how right this felt.

I could feel her hands on my chest, fumbling with the buttons on my shirt, urgently making their way down, her lips never leaving mine. I pulled back for just a second, locking my eyes with hers. They were dark blue and I couldn't help but compare them to the ocean. Of course not saying it out loud.

"I want you, Jess" her voice was low and begging. In retrospect I think that was the moment I lost all self control. Rory finally was letting me in, letting me love her back. I grabbed her hand, leading her into the bedroom, not bothering to switch on the light. Still not letting go of each other's mouths we stumbled on the bed her on top of me , the mattress catching our weight. The shirt hung loosely from my shoulders, my pants unbuttoned. I had no idea how or when she had had the chance to do so, but seriously I couldn't care less. Her small hands were all over my bare chest, exploring it as if it was for the first time and somehow it felt like the first time for us. I shivered under her touch and rolled her over so I was on top of her. I tugged at the hem of her shirt, trying to take it off. She gladly obliged and lifted her arms over her head. The breath caught in my throat as I looked down on her and took in her beauty. Her bulging stomach made me go crazy.

" I don´t wanna hurt the baby" I told her between two kisses.

" you won´t " was all she said as she pulled my pants down with her feet. When we were finally freed from all clothes that separated us, I couldn't hold in any longer.

" shit" I mumbled, embarrassed.

" it´s okay" she said and kissed me hard, beginning round two.

**Flashback end**

We woke up the next morning, legs intertwined her back against my bare chest. I lazily traced circles on her stomach with my hand, keeping my eyes shut. She snuggled even further into my embrace.

" hmm, I like this" her voice heavy with sleep.

" do you think he's gonna hold this against us his whole life ? I asked pressing my palm flat against her stomach.

" he?" she asked, her words only barely audible.

" yeah, I just have the feeling, it´s a boy. He will be reading Hemmingway before he's even in kindergarten." I chuckled.

She turned around, now facing me.

"no, Ayn Rand!" I looked down at her stomach.

" don´t listen to your mom. Ayn Rand is a political nut. Hemmingway on the other hand is a genius. He's your dad's favourite author, you know " dad ? Where did that come from?

I didn´t know, it just felt right at this very moment.

I could feel Rory tighten her grip on my hand. She hid her head in my chest , her hair covering her face. I relaxed into her touch, finally feeling whole again.

it´s short, I know. so, what do you think?review! thanks! you may think the whole dad thing is kinda rushed, but i didn´t want them to argue all over it again. please stay with me ...


	15. Chapter 15

No, don´t own them.

CoffeeJunkie06, music4mysoul: You guys are amazing. You practically reviewed every single chapter.

GilmoreGirls101: you don´t sound like a perv, that's what I was going for… lol

I wanted to update sooner, but apparently ff . net started again with this whole not liking me thing. It´s getting redundant, man!

Enjoy:

Rory's POV:

I was lying in my old single bed in Stars Hollow, Jess snuggling into me, mumbling incoherently in his sleep. I shifted, not getting comfortable, due to the fact that I was practically as huge as a monster truck. When I was lying on my back, my back hurt, when I was lying on my side, my side hurt, and well, the stomach was so not an option. I felt Jess stir next to me.

„ Rory?" he said, his voice heavy with sleep, opening his eyes trying to adjust to the darkness.

„ I can´t seem to get comfortable" I pouted like a five year old.

„ I told you, we should have taken a room in the Inn, the bed is just too small for the two of us."

I gasped.

„ Blasphemy !when I'm in Stars Hollow, I sleep in my bed. Period" I was suddenly wide awake.

„ Rory, you're moving around so much, I feel like being on a cruise during a storm."

„ yeah, well. Just imagine you swallowed a big, fat, orange basketball, then.." he cut me off.

„ orange?" I heard him chuckle slightly.

„ so not the point, Jess! God, I hate this."

„ I still don´t get the orange part." I knew he was teasing me.

„ Jess, basketballs are orange!" he plopped on his side facing me through the dark room.

„meaning?" I could see his smile getting wider.

„ man, there should be some sort of law against mocking pregnant women." I sighed, shifting in my position again. He opened his arms, inviting me in.

„ come here" he said while patting on the very spot next to him.

I sighed dramatically, glaring at him.

„ you suck." great argument here, Gilmore. But nonetheless I obliged and snuggled into him. I bet he was smirking.

„ I can always count on you to come up with a witty remark." I smiled at this.

„ shut up and just hold me." I whispered and allowed myself, finally comfortable, to drift off to sleep.

I was woken up by hushed voices coming from outside the bedroom door.

„ should we go in ?" that was definitely my mom's voice.

„ are you crazy? What if they're not decent?" I heard Luke's horrified voice and had to suppress a giggle.

I could practically see my mom rolling her eyes.

„ Lukey, it´s rory we're talking about here. She's not having sex with jess in her old bedroom."

„ God, Lorelai. Don´t ever mention Rory and having sex in one sentence. Even worse, we're talking about my nephew here as well."

Silence.

„man!" Luke exclaimed. I thought I could hear him adjusting his cap.

„ bad mental image?" my mom asked , chuckling.

Apparently Luke must have nodded.

„ yeah, me too. But I know what is helping getting rid of the mental image."

„ let me guess! Coffee?" Luke sighed.

„ Ahh, my saviour!" Lorelai cried out. „ but I will make it up to you."

Suddenly Jess stirred next to me, lifting himself in a sitting position.

„ Jeez. Shut up !" he was covering his eyes with one hand, shaking his head.

„ bad mental image?" I asked, faking my mom's voice.

„ God, yes!" he shivered. „ make it go away!"

„ you're such a baby, Jess. What did you think? They're not having sex? I mean, my mom is a young fiery woman and ."

„ stop right there!" Jess took his hand from his eyes and glared at me.

„ why did you do that? I'm gonna be having nightmares about this." when I just giggled he continued.

„ that's it. I'm getting up." he pretended to be angry and got up, grapping a pair of pants and a t-shirt and got dressed.

I suddenly yelled out.

„ hey mom, luke ? It´s awfully quiet out there, you can come in though, I promise, nothing inappropriate for your teenage eyes." the door opened and a flushed luke popped his head in as if to make sure, I was telling the truth.

„ we didn´t want to wake you up, sorry." Mom interrupted him and sat next to me on the bed.

„ oh, I wanted to. Nice pj´s by the way. I like the ducks." I looked down on me and had to smile.

„ so anyways. I wanted to head over to the diner, you wanna join me?" I pointed at Luke.

„ but he's here." I said somewhat dumbly. Mom looked at me.

„ so?"

„ whatever. Just let me get dressed and I'm in."

Mom looked at Jess, tilting her head to one side, asking him silently if he was coming as well.

„ no, I can´t. I have some thing's to take care of. Stuff for work." he added.

Mom laughed.

„ and here I thought you would go all Mafiosi on me, my mistake." her eyes started twinkling.

„mom, go, let me get dressed." she pouted and pointed an accusing finger at Jess.

„ and he's allowed to watch? Dirty." I rolled my eyes.

„ bye, mom, meet me in the living room in 20."

„ why does it take you 20 minutes to get ready? Ah, you know what ? I don´t wanna know."

„ hey" jess suddenly exclaimed. „ I'm offended."

„oh boy" I cried and covered my head with the blanket, hearing mom's mumbled „dirty" once again.

When I was walking to the diner, having my arm linked with my mom´s, a content sigh escaped my lips. Mom looked strangely at me.

„what?" I asked.

„ you seem happy, baby." she said, a full smile on her face now. I looked around the town, nothing had changed and I couldn't get the thought out of my head what it would be like to have a kid running around here. I sighed again.

„ I look happy because I am. I really am, mom." she wrapped an arm around me and pressed a kiss on my forehead, silently letting me know that she was happy for me as well.

When we finally reached the diner, the whole town seemed to there. News travelled fast over here and the return of Stars Hollow's princess was enough for everyone to have breakfast in the diner.

„ oh, my dear, well, well, well, you're huge." I wrinkled my nose. I so didn´t need to hear that.

„ Air, Patty!" I said when she wouldn´t let go off me. She offered me a weak smile.

„ oh, hon., how far along are you?" Babette got right to the point.

„ seventh month, Babette."

Kirk chimed in.

„ my mother always used to tell me that pregnancy was count in weeks, not months. So you're about 28 weeks along?" he asked with pride in his voice.

„yeah, somewhere around that."

„ can I film the birth ?." god, this town definitely was weird.

„ no, Kirk, you can´t. actually I would rather have the kid on my way to the hospital in the car than having you filming the whole thing."

Kirk, oblivious to the stares he received from the others, continued.

„ you may be right, I think I would faint anyhow." he admitted kind of embarrassed.

We spent the morning in Luke's , getting an update on every tiny little piece of gossip around the town. Apparently Rev. Skinner had a thing for Miss Patty. Yeah, right.

When I was finally too exhausted from all the news, I made my way back to my childhood home, hoping that Jess would be there. When I got home, Jess was really there, greeting me with a kiss.

I yawned, suddenly extremely tired.

„ I'm tired. I'm gonna take a nap. You coming?" I asked.

„ nah, I still have an article to write, but you rest, you didn´t get much sleep last night." he didn´t smile, but took my hand and led me to the bedroom.

„ come on, I'll tuck you in."

I suddenly was so sleepy, so tired, exhausted.

I got in the bed and as jess pressed a kiss on my forehead I could hear myself mumble:

„ Marry me?"

Cliffhanger, I know. So what do you think? bad? good? i had fun writing this chapter. what do youthink about the proposal?


	16. Chapter 16

No, don´t own them.

I think this is the last chapter, because life is kicking in, and I don´t want you to wait too long for an update. I might write a sequel, depends on if you want me to.

Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, I can´t even express how much I appreciate the fact that you seem to like my first story. Well, anyhow, I'm having problems updating again. Don´t ask, blame ff . net! Lol

Now, enjoy the very last chapter which is set directly after the last one.

Jess's POV:

I heard her mumble sleepily " marry me." it wasn't so much a question, than it was a request.

My first thought after my brain would start working again was.

Someone pinch me please. Hard. The next thought was. WHAT? There she was lying on the bed, half asleep, asking me THE question as if she ordered a cup of coffee at Luke's. Was the thought of getting married to me that natural for her? I swallowed, an intelligent train of thought not possible.

I closed my eyes, suddenly unable to breath. Did she even know what she had said to me ? And more important, did she mean it? When I finally opened my eyes again, I saw her staring at me, eyes fully awake, all signs of sleepiness erased from her face. She grabbed my wrist and pulled me down next to her on the bed. Then she pinched me .

"ouch" I exclaimed.

" what was that for?" I asked, still surprised.

" didn´t you want someone to pinch you?" she asked, her eyes twinkling.

I said that out loud ? I didn´t know anymore.

While I rubbed the spot where she had pinched me, she said:

"marry me. " there it was again. Her voice full of hope and determination.

I still couldn't answer. I felt her stiffen next to me, withdrawing herself from my arms.

" I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you. I just thought you felt the same way. God, I'm so dumb." she started rambling again and this time I wasn't able to stop her. Suddenly she got up from the bed and hurried out of the room, not bothering to shut the door behind her.

I closed my eyes again, feeling cold. I cursed under my breath.

Why couldn't I just have said yes´? I knew I wanted to. God, I mean I had been thinking about it for so long. But in my imagination it had always been me who would pop the question. Not her. Never.

I knew, I didn´t doubt her, I knew we would make it and most important I knew I didn´t doubt us. We were right together. We were meant to be. The three of us.

I slowly got up from the bed and made my way to the kitchen where I thought she would most likely be, drinking a cup of coffee. Because, let's face it, coffee isn't as bad for pregnant women as we were always told.

**Flashback**

I was sitting at my desk when the apartment door flew open with a thud. A very excited Rory rushed inside, and threw one arm around my neck, in her free hand she held what looked like a magazine.

"hah! I knew it." she stated frantically.

" it´s not bad for the baby. Some researchers proved it, about one cup of coffee a day is not bad for our baby. It was always Luke's talking that made me think it wouldn´t be good." she smiled a smile that was reaching her eyes, literally. I had to chuckle. Rory could do that to me, she was the only one who was able to make me chuckle, smile even. She was different. Good different.

**Flashback end**

While I entered the kitchen I allowed myself to be lost in my thoughts. Rory was different, that's why I would never know what to expect. I had to admit that I liked her unpredictability , it made life interesting and exciting. And the fact that she had proposed to me, was the best example to show me her quality. She was sitting at the kitchen table, engrossed in a book, although not really reading it. She was wearing her glasses, a steaming cup of coffee in front of her. I could feel that she tried to hold it together, she tried not to cry although I must have hurt her to no end. I made my way over to her, so I was standing behind her. I placed my hands on her shoulder, massaging them softly. I leaned down and whispered in her ear.

" I would have answered sooner, if it hadn't been for the fact that I temporarily had lost my ability to speak . Yes… yes…. God, Of course." my voice got stronger and stronger as I said it. She turned around, slowly getting up from her chair, her eyes never leaving mine. I could see the tears glistering behind her glasses when she finally allowed herself to cry. Sobs escaped her mouth, but I knew they were happy tears and happy sobs , mixing with laughters. Without hesitation I pulled her in my arms, breathing in her familiar scent . I took her face in my hands and kissed her tears away, no words were necessary. I felt a tear on my lip, salty and wet, and I couldn't , by all means, tell if it was hers or mine.

That's all. I hope you liked it. If you want me to write a sequel, let me know. You know what you have to do. The little blue button is practically screaming your name ! Thanks for reading my story. You guys rock!


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